cameras poised [[tyler

[Tyler James Merrit]

don't think too hard if you think it hurts that bad

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DON'T TALK ABOUT IT DON'T LET IT GET YOU DOWN[/font][/center]

Tyler looked at her. "And I'm not what I look like." He said. He tried to smile, but he couldn't. He wasn't lying to her. He was a murderer, but he couldn't let her know. He looked away from her. He wouldn't tell her, he couldn't. He couldn't tell anyone. He just couldn't. He sighed. To many secrets from people filled his mind. Chelsea, his father, his mother. So many things in his head that hurt him, the memories, the voices. Everything

"Oh." Was what he said to that. "Well, you could call it that.." He trailed off. He could say that his father shot himself, by mistake. But it couldn't be because of what he did. "My mom sorta..blames me for my dad's death.." He said slowly. He made a face, like he was lying. Which he was. He looked at her hands. "Please don't get angry at her. It's like.. my fault she hates me. Really." He said.

Tyler watched her throw his parka overer shoulder then jump down. He looked down. For some reason, he really kind of liked her. He wasn't sure why, because he thought because he had killed his father, and then his ex girlfriend that he would be heartless. I guess he wasn't after all. "Um..I don't know.." He said. He looked up at her. "Uh...would you...want to...you know....go out with me?" He asked. So, he hadn't had a girlfriend in three years. That was a long time for any guy.

He bit his lip. He wasn't sure if he was going to get rejected or not. He really hoped that he wasn't, because he sorta liked her, just from this little moment. And then the kisses. The first one he didn't mean to do, but the second one was intentional. He liked the kiss. He hadn't been kissed in a long time, no one.

[Tatyana Haizea Gershkovic]

At his small revelation, Tatyana smiled a lopsided smile, and shrugged. "No-one ever is." She philosophized, her words rather more cryptic than she had intended. She wasn't anything like she would seem at first. People, for some reason, expected her to be one of the elite, those with plastic for mothers, banks for fathers, and flat screen TVs as 'small party favors'. She wasn't like that at all. She took her school work seriously, unlike the ditzy (usually) blondes (again, the norm) that populated the 'higher ranks'. She didn't run to her parents for every little thing. Most importantly, or so she thought, she had a job. She didn't do many hours, and she didn't earn very much, but it was the principle of the matter. What's more, her job involved her getting elbow deep in some serious grime, gutting out cars, mending brake cables and carburetors, amongst other things. However, she did look innocent, and that was mostly right. She had never committed a crime, other than the occasional underage drink, and she didn't have the mindset to. Yes, she was violent, but killing a person? A little too extreme, non?

Tatyana frowned and shook her head almost immediately. "I don't believe her." She said, stubbornly. "How can it be the fault of a sixteen or seventeen year old? If anything, it was probably his own stupid fault." Her temper flared up, and her mouth ran away with her. Even as she was finishing the last word, though, she clamped a hand over her mouth and mumbled through it. "I'm so sorry, I should never have said that." Her hands fell away and she bit her lip nervously. "My mouth just runs away with me sometimes... I don't mean anything by it." She paused for a second and frowned again, her thought process racing almost too fast for her to consciously keep up. "At least, I don't think I do."

After her actions, reactions, and rather exuberant explosions, Tatyana thought she had misheard Tyler. She was stunned for a moment, running it over and over in her head to see if he could possibly have said something else. But no, there it was, large as life and twice as real - a virtual stranger asking her out. And for some strange reason, the voice in the back of her mind that normally told her not to do it was totally silent. That could only be a good sign, right? Stopping hearing voices, that was. She wasn't mad, just very reliant on her instincts at times. This time, though, she didn't know how bad it was going to get. Her lips spontaneously curved into a smile, and she nodded before she really had any time to think about it. "I'd love to." She added, just because she felt a need for some verbal affirmation.

Hesitantly, she took a step closer to him, searching his face for any sign that he was regretting asking the question, or that it had all just been a delightful practical joke. Nothing, except perhaps an iota of anxiety. Desperate to quell it, her lips touched his softly, then she pulled away and smiled. "Thank you." A strange thing to say, perhaps, but she hadn't been asked out... Well... Ever. Well, never by a person she'd actually then agreed to go out with. The brash, bold type, she'd never been afraid to ask the guys. So, up there, on her list of firsts, was TJ, the first guy to ever get an acceptance out of her.

[Tyler James Merrit]

don't think too hard if you think it hurts that bad

[/i][/size]
DON'T TALK ABOUT IT DON'T LET IT GET YOU DOWN[/font][/center]

"I was thirteen and I would explain, but then you would be scared" He said softly. "Its okay..I don't mind." He said to her. "It actually is my fault though. I had the gun.. I had it in my hand, he tried to take it from me. I pulled the trigger.." He said. He did tell her that he had problems.. didn't he? He looked down. Or so that was what he thought the said to her.

"I don't suppose you would want my story then.." He said. He waited a moment. "I was thirteen, and I heard voices in my head. Doctors told me that nothing was wrong with me. But I knew something was really wrong with me. They would scream in my head, worse then any headache you could think of. The only way to stop them was to actually go with what they wanted. After a few months, I couldn't handle it, so I figured if I shot myself it would stop. Well, dad was home and found me when he was coming in to talk to me. Well, he found the gun in my hand and next to my head. He grabbed it from me, but my broke my wrist so my wrist bent to him. He yanked the gun from my hand, not before a round when through his chest. He fell to the ground dead." He looked away from her. She probably though he was insane. "So now my mom drinks constantly and beats on me because its my fault that her love was killed."

He looked away from her. He looked down at the ground. He looked up when she said she would. "I haven't had a girlfriend in..four years I think...I lost count. My last girlfriend...strangled herself." He said. He smiled at her when she took a step closer to him. He felt her warm lips against his and before he knew it, she pulled away. He tried not to look disappointed that she pulled away. "For what?" He asked. He wanted to kiss her again, but he didn't. He waited a moment then leaned down and kissed her lips softly.

[Tatyana Haizea Gershkovic]

As Tyler began to tell his story, Tatyana tugged him lightly down to the ground to sit beside her on the dry pine needles under the sheltering canopy of the tree. In the amount of time it took her to go from standing to sitting, Tatyana somehow managed to lock all of her emotions into a tiny little box in the corner of her mind, stopping them from showing on the surface. Inside, she was struggling to keep the box closed, but instead, in a smooth action that didn't seem hesitant and felt completely natural, she took his hand and leaned against him slightly. She hesitated for only a second before she answered. "Tell me."

At first, she thought that he hadn't heard, or that she had slipped into one of her other languages without even realising, as she was prone to doing when she didn't pay attention. She was about to repeat herself when he started to speak, but wisely closed her mouth when she caught the signs of a story that had been cooped up for too long. His words buzzed around her brain, and her emotions migrated south, creating an aching in her heart, and the pit of her stomach. Her nerves tingled with an odd energy that only ever came with complete and utter confusion of emotions. They were all battling for purchase inside her. She felt anger that Tyler had had to do something like that, horror that he had wanted to kill himself, relief that he'd failed, grief that his father had extinguished his own life flame to keep his son's from going out. There were hundreds more that she couldn't identify or articulate reasons for having, and on top of this whirlwind was nothing but a casually intimate seating arrangement, and an impassive expression.

Her mind raced to try to find which emotion to show when his words finally slowed and trickled to a standstill, but the only one that she seemed capable of holding on to was shock. Slowly, it seeped into her expression, but as quickly as it had come, it went. Softly, she spoke, as if trying not to startle him. "And I bet you blame yourself too." It was intended to be a statement, but when her voice rose at the end, she made it sound like a question. She didn't really expect an answer, though, as she moved on quickly to answer TJ's next words. Suddenly restless, Tatyana got up and paced a few steps back and forth under the tree's reaches. "Honestly..." She started, before shaking her head and clamming up. Several seconds passed, and then she tried again. "To be honest, I've never had a boyfriend." As she spoke, she stopped, and her eyes bored into TJ's, with a fire that defied him the right to laugh at her.

He stood up to meet her anger, or whatever it was. Defiance, most likely, and a defensiveness that she hated feeling but couldn't stop. Like ice over a flame, she melted into his arms at his two word question. She pulled him closely to her, and whispered in his ear. "For being the first guy to want me for more than one night." Subconsciously pushing up a barrier against the tears that momentarily threatened to fall, Tatyana lifted her head to look at Tyler. She had nothing to say, so a moment passed with only the pattering of the rain as a soundtrack, and when he kissed her lips with a delicacy that was heart warming and totally different to anything she had ever experienced, she gladly let go of her inhibitions, and let her body lead. Her lips moulded against his, and she exerted more pressure, her tongue darting along his bottom lip in a daring move that didn't feel entirely right to her. It was her first time kissing a guy with a lip piercing. As the difference and its reason registered in her mind, she smiled. Metal was hot.

[Tyler James Merrit]

don't think too hard if you think it hurts that bad

[/i][/size]
DON'T TALK ABOUT IT DON'T LET IT GET YOU DOWN[/font][/center]

Tyler sad down next to her before he told his story. He didn't know what she was going to think of him now. He told no one this story, not a single person that wasn't his mother. Not even the people at Help Now even got into his head. Partly because he has such a wall against everyone. How did Tatyana get past his cold hearted wall that he had up so no one would know his dark past.

He didn't look at her for a while. "Its not like I wanted any of my past to happen.." He paused. "It just...happened...my mental stability has just gone down since then I guess." He said. He pulled his knees up to his face and hid his face for a while. He didn't want to tell anyone about his past. He was afraid too.

He looked up at her when she started to talk. "Really? You look like you would have a boyfriend at the moment.." He said. Him, he looked like someone that wouldn't have a girlfriend. At least, that was his opinion in his mind. But, who would listen to his mind at all.

He looked at her. He couldn't help but smile at her. "Then, your welcome." He said to her. He kissed her softly, still not really sure what he was doing. He felt her tongue along his lip, and he opened his mouth slightly, as if instinct. He ran his own tongue across her bottom lip. She was so better off without him. He didn't deserive a girl like her. Or a girl at all. He didn't think that she would need him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly. He wanted to pull away, but his lips didn't listen to him. He pressed his lips a little bit more into hers, his body moving closer to her on its own. He didn't have any control over himself, and he was scared to death. He moved his hands up her back over her cloths and he was slowly going up to her neck.

He was having so many problems trying to control himself that he didn't know what he was doing. One hand went around her neck and he pulled away, pulling his arm away from her and stepping back. "I-I-I'm sorry.. I don't know what I was doing...I can't control myself.." He said. He looked down and didn't look at her.

[Tatyana Haizea Gershkovic]

It didn't happen with many people that she had only just met, but with her friends and family, Tatyana was the listener, the one that always gave advice and rarely followed it herself. She even occasionally moonlighted as an unqualified therapist, although only one thing usually came of it. She was so reputed, even, that men would come up to her four or five times a month with different sob stories or issues to work through. After all, the only way she knew how to make people feel better ended up with them being in the sack. The only difference was, this time, she didn't think that Tyler was making it up, and she didn't think he was telling her to get the one thing that she seemed to be known for.

She gave a small, unsure smile when he spoke. "Of course you didn't. No-one could have wanted that to happen." A modicum of shock was injected into her voice that she didn't know that she felt. She seemed to have almost gone numb. She knelt beside him as he buried his head into his knees, and laid a soothing hand on his shoulder, her thumb absently tracing circles where it sat. She chewed her lip before speaking in a hushed tone. "Do you think anything will make it better?" She asked. She didn't think about her own safety, being with him when no-one knew where they were or what they were doing, but instead feared for his own safety, a much harder thing to achieve. "We could talk, if that helps." She added, anxiously. Oddly, not a single part of her was considering running away.

At his question, Tatyana smiled lopsidedly, shaking her head. "No, once they've had what they wanted, they tend to disappear off into the sunset." Without a single change in expression, her tone sounded completely bitter as she piped up again. "Although a few come back for another ride." English may not have been her first language, but she had heard many people talking about her when they thought she couldn't hear, wasn't listening, or couldn't understand. Sometimes, a foreign fuck took care of someone's problems; she was only trying to help.

As they kissed, Tatyana kept her touches light, every action teasing and seducing. After all, she knew no other way. Pulled flush against Tyler, she felt the kiss intensify, and her hands, of their own accord moved. One went upwards, resting on his neck, her fingers running through his hair, and the other downwards, tugging gently at his waistband to try to close the infinitesimal gap still between them. When he pulled away, she took a breath, slightly flushed. Honestly, she'd barely even felt or comprehended what he was doing, but when his apology settled in, she understood. His girlfriend hadn't hanged herself. He had said strangled. The body cannot strangle itself - it could lose consciousness, but it can take up to ten minutes to kill by asphyxiation. It had been Tyler, but he had figured that too much at one time, especially of a past like his, probably wasn't the best idea.

Strangely, she felt no desire to cut off contact with him and, without really thinking about it, she answered. "Don't be sorry." She took a step, closing the gap between them, leaving them under the full throttle of the storm overhead, which had dulled down to just torrential rain. She used her first two fingers to raise his chin to look at her, and a slow smile spread over her face. "I like it rough too." She smirked, her hand slipping around to the back of his neck to force his lips back onto hers.

[Tyler James Merrit]

don't think too hard if you think it hurts that bad

[/i][/size]
DON'T TALK ABOUT IT DON'T LET IT GET YOU DOWN[/font][/center]

Tyler was being weak. He never nearly broke apart in front of anyone, or at all. He tried for so long to block out his past, but she brought it back. The hospital, the shooting, the voices. Everything. He didn't like this at all. He has having problems with this more then usual. He sighed. He didn't know anymore.

He looked up at her as she touched him, in force of habit shrinking away from her touch. No one touched him, at least no without trying to hurt him. His mother would hurt him, try to kill him. Stab him even. She would slam bottles over him when he was sleeping. Anything to cause him pain. He looked up at her after a moment. "Sorry. Force of habit. Not really use to people touching me gently." He said. He wasn't use to that at all. He shook his head. "Probably not. Its not like a cut, that will heal and go away. Its scaring." He said softly. By now he had forgotten all about his fear of thunderstorms, and was more scared if she was going to just, leave him alone.

He couldn't help but smile at her. "Well. As you can see, I'm not like other guys...I won't leave you..you know..if you still want to be around me. Which I totally understand if you don't , you know be being a murderer after all, not that I really meant to kill them." He said.

They kissed and he felt her hands on his jeans and he was pulled a little closer to her. He had stepped back, unhooking her hand from his waistband on his skinny jeans and he didn't look at her. He didn't even mean to try to, strangle her. But he did it. He had felt her soft neck around his hand, and with one move he could have started to make her choke. He shivered at that thought. He liked her, and she still didn't seem to be afraid of him for that.

When she spoke, he looked up at her. "I could have strangled you...I'm really sorry. I could have snapped your neck...I could have-" He cut himself off before he got into to much detail and actually did scare her away. That would have made him feel worse then anything in the world at the moment. He felt her hand touch his chin and he looked up. He made a face at her and when her arm went behind his neck, he shivered and started to pull away. He had a huge wound on the back of his neck, from a beer bottle that morning hit over his back because he was sleeping without a shirt on and his hair wasn't long enough to shield his neck. "Sorry.. again. Force of habit. I'm really not use to being touched without getting hurt from it. I've got cuts all over my chest, my back, the back of my neck, my arms. Ever part of my body has at least four or five cuts, and many scars.." He said, looking away from her. He took her had off his neck.